The Second American Revolution - The Building of an Empire Page 9

  Although Jerrick only had a Bachelor’s degree, he would teach business English.

  Director insisted that Jerrick enroll in the Masters of Business Administration program. Instructors taught all the courses in English.

  Institute paid Jerrick $750 per month for teaching English, and waived the tuition and fees for Jerrick’s classes.

  Director's reason was simple. Russian regulations were simpler for students while work visas and permits were tough to come by.

  Through normal channels, even if one has the proper paperwork, the bureaucrats rejected all applicants; they always find problems with the documents. Only way to solve problems was the applicant paid a bribe, which could be as high as $5,000. That was an ungodly sum for the poor colleges and poor students.

  The Russian people became masters in circumventing the monstrous Russian rules and laws, an everlasting gift from the Soviet legal system.

  Both Lidya and Jerrick scanned the list of documents they needed for a student visa. They needed certified translations of Jerrick’s college transcript, a medical exam, an HIV test, a taxpayer’s ID number, a rental agreement that covered the duration of his stay in Moscow, and many other documents.

  Jerrick was dumbfounded.

  Then the fun began dealing with the various Russian bureaucrats.

  At each agency, Lidya and Jerrick waited in long lines. During their turn, Lidya always argued with the bureaucrats in order to get the documents.

  Bureaucrats didn’t do any work. They always shooed the people away.

  Each time, they received a document; Jerrick inspected it. Documents were simple. A bureaucrat completed a form, signed it at the bottom, and then he stamped his signature with a blue seal of the agency.

  “Lidya, I have never seen anything like this.”

  “Welcome to the Russian bureaucracy. All this is left over from the Soviet Union.”

  “Lidya, it’ll take weeks to get all our documents.”

  “I know that is how the Soviet planners designed the system. Remember Jerrick, nobody worked in the Soviet Union. People had plenty of time to stand in lines and collect these documents. I suspected many gave up.”

  “I wouldn’t be surprised the people didn’t protest their government.”

  Lidya laughed and added, “Jerrick; Stalin executed any troublemakers. I heard rumors from Central Asia where people disagreed with the bureaucrats about their nationality. Then during the night, they disappeared forever.”

  “Lidya, what do you mean over nationality?”

  “The Soviet Union was composed of hundreds of ethnic groups. For instance, the Soviet government says a person is Kazakh, but he’s Uzbek. Central Asian people are proud of their heritage. If this person argued with the bureaucrat and tried to change his nationality on his documents, then he would disappear. Stalin didn’t want any troublemakers around.”

  “Damn, that’s really harsh.”

  “Stalin united all people under the Soviet Union. He didn’t want anyone to disagree with him. He designed the Soviet Union, so it would never break up.”

  “How do you design something that could never break up?”

  “For instance, workers assembled Soviet TVs in Moscow; the workers made tubes in Georgia, and they made the circuit boards in the Ukraine. If these countries broke apart, then the whole TV industry shuts down because the factories couldn’t get the parts they needed.”

  “Damn, I must admit, that was clever.”

  “Jerrick, that caused many problems when the Soviet Union broke up. Russia’s recovery was a miracle. Our whole economy was thrown into chaos in the early 1990s! All our factories shut down!”

  Consequently, Lidya and Jerrick spent weeks collecting all the documents.

  Jerrick saw eight specialists for his gruesome, medical exam.

  Old Soviet doctors checked every hole and crevice on Jerrick’s body.

  One doctor took a chest x-ray; another checked his eyes; another inspected his joints, et cetera. Finding no problems, the doctor signed his medical document and stamped it with a blue seal.

  Finally, Jerrick saw the last doctor, who scrutinized his document.

  Doctor asked Lidya several questions and stamped two more blue seals onto the document.

  Afterwards, Jerrick counted three blue square stamps and seven small blue circular stamps with numerous signatures spread randomly throughout the document.

  Lidya and Jerrick returned to the Ministry of Internal Affairs and submitted his documents.

  Jerrick noticed the bureaucrat carefully inspected each document, ensuring every document had its requisite blue stamps and signatures.

  After four weeks, Jerrick received his new visa to study at a Russian institute.

  Both Lidya and Jerrick returned to the apartment, crashing on the couch, consumed by exhaustion.

  Jerrick’s mind turned over the day’s events about the accumulation of those damn blue stamps.

  He thought, ‘Didn’t Americans realize that every law that Congress passed, and every new bureaucracy they created brought the United States one step closer to this insane system of handwritten government documents with blue stamps?’

  Afterwards, Jerrick complained loudly to Lidya, “Damn; those Russian bureaucrats are unbelievable. You need a goddamn stamp for everything.”

  “Welcome to the Soviet bureaucracy. Remnants of the Soviet machine still function in Russia.”

  “But the Soviet Union collapsed over 10 years ago. Why can’t they change?”

  “The Soviet Union had collapsed, but the Soviet law is the source of Russian law. Did you notice the bureaucrats are in their 40s and 50s? They started working in that agency when they were young and were trained to process documents in that way under the Soviet Union.”

  Jerrick’s anger and frustration melted away as he replied, “Lidya; you’re right. That’s all they know, but it’s so frustrating. A bureaucrat handwrites all the documents. Then he signs and stamps it with a blue ink seal. If I knew what to write and had that damn stamp, then I can make my own documents.”

  Jerrick hesitated and then added, “Thank god they did not ask me to prove I was a male. Then I would whip out the little monster and show it to them.”

  Lidya started to giggle. Sometimes Jerrick was a little coarse, but he was different from the Russian men she had dated.

  Lidya replied, “Jerrick; it wouldn’t do any good. Not unless you have a blue stamp on the little monster, and a doctor’s signature authenticating it.”

  Now Jerrick joined the laughter. Then he placed his hand around Lidya, pulling her closer.

  Jerrick started kissing her on the mouth and massaging her legs. A good idea popped into his head about how to release his frustrations and stress of dealing with the post-Soviet bureaucracies.

  ***

  Lidya and Jerrick were driving back from her parents’ home in mid-October around 10 o’clock at night, pitch black.

  Jerrick always let Lidya drive because Russians were rude drivers.

  During the Soviet Union, nobody had cars. Now, many Russians owned cars, and they always sped to where they’re going. The Russians were determined to make up for the deprived times when no one had cars.

  Russian drivers would cut other drivers off, form three-car lanes on two-lane roads, and sporadically and habitually change lanes, always moving and swerving ahead of the other drivers. Michigan police and troopers would have a busy day in Moscow as officers would write thousands of tickets a day.

  Lidya turned on a side street to approach the apartment.

  Before they knew it, a Soviet Jeep with four soldiers pulled in front of them, cutting them off.

  Both vehicles stopped, and four soldiers hopped out of the jeep and surrounded the car.

  Soldiers’ didn’t draw their guns, but they slung AK-47s over their backs. They wore long, dark-green trench coats, and round, black, fur hats with flat tops. An emblem or badge of some type was pinned in the cent
er of the hat, and various badges and stripes decorated their lapels and left, top areas of their coats.

  Jerrick didn’t miss the imposing, threatening AK-47s.

  One of the soldiers said something in Russian.

  Lidya turned to Jerrick and said, “Get out of the car.”

  They both climbed out slowly.

  Lidya approached one of the soldiers, almost screaming something in Russian.

  Jerrick stood there with his mouth hanging open.

  One of the soldiers asked Jerrick something in Russian.

  Jerrick understood the word, passport since it’s the same word in both languages.

  Jerrick tried to say in Russian, “My passport – in safe at work,” but the soldier frowned in confusion.

  Lidya climbed into the car and reached into her purse, pulling out several documents. Then she tucked two, new, crisp twenty U.S. dollar bills into the folded pages of the car registration. The U.S. dollars are the currency of choice for corrupt Russian public officials and racketeers.

  She then got out of the car and shoved the documents into one of the soldier’s hands.

  Soldier studied the documents.

  Jerrick saw one soldier point his finger at him and asked Lidya something in Russian.

  Jerrick didn’t understand the conversation, but he recognized one word, American man, or ‘Amirkanets’ in Russian.

  Soldier in command returned Lidya’s documents. All her documents were in order, minus the money of course.

  Soldiers piled into the Jeep and pulled away.

  Lidya and Jerrick climbed into the car.

  Jerrick snapped, “What the hell was that?” He wasn’t angry at Lidya but surprised.

  “That was GUY.”

  “GUY? What is GUY?”

  “State Automobile Inspectors. They are road police. They drive around and search for drivers violating the traffic laws.”

  “They looked like soldiers who carried some awesome fire power for street cops.”

  “GUY is a remnant of the Soviet Union. The Soviet Union had plenty of AK-47s and jeeps, so that is what the police got. AK-47s and jeeps. When they pull you over, you pull over.”

  “What would happen if a driver didn’t pull over?”

  “Then they turn the driver’s car into Swiss cheese with those guns.”

  Jerrick was not shocked, but the Russians didn’t mess around when it came to important business. He knew Lidya didn’t joke about the police firing upon people, fleeing.

  Lidya turned the car ignition on and pulled away to drive the last block to the apartment.

  Jerrick realized every day in Russia would be an educational experience. He was learning more here than he ever could learn from a book.

  ***

  Early November, Lidya and Jerrick wore winter coats with fur hats.

  Jerrick didn’t like his black mink fur hat, but his hat kept his head warm during Moscow’s bitterly cold winters. Somehow, the Muscovites learned to adapt to these harsh winters.

  “I have a treat for you Jerrick.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “Let’s head down to the GUM, the State Universal Store. We can walk around and see what they have. Besides, New Year’s Eve is approaching. You are supposed to buy presents for your family, and give them on New Year’s Eve.”

  “You don’t give presents on Jesus’ birthday, December 25?”

  “Actually, we celebrate Jesus’ birthday on January 7.”

  “That’s interesting. That’s my birthday. Are you planning anything special for me?”

  “Ah, Jerrick; don’t worry. I have a special treat for you on your birthday,” then Lidya glanced at Jerrick, winking at him.

  They approached the GUM as shoppers dashed in and out of the entrance.

  Lidya and Jerrick walked inside, brushing off the cold Moscow air. Place was quite warm.

  Jerrick even removed his warm fur hat as beads of perspiration formed on his forehead.

  They headed to the café section to order hot tea and cookies.

  Then Jerrick saw her. A petite woman with long luscious jet-black hair standing behind the cash register. She used a scarf to pull her hair back. She had light, creamy brown skin with the brightest hazel eyes.

  Lidya and Jerrick approached the cashier.

  Jerrick stuttered, “I I I’ll have a hot tea.” He didn’t take his eyes off the cashier girl as his words became stuck in the back of his throat.

  Lidya faced Jerrick, “Jerrick, are you all right.”

  Jerrick turned to face Lidya, “I’m fine. I was caught off guard. She looks so unusual. She doesn’t look Russian.”

  Lidya frowned and snapped, “She’s probably Tatar. Supposedly, Tatar women are very beautiful. Do you think she’s pretty?”

  “She’s okay. She’s attractive, but she looks different, exotic.”

  “Exotic? You like her, don’t you?”

  “Lidya, no, I said she’s okay.”

  Jerrick reached for Lidya, pulling her closer, giving her a reassuring hug. Of course, he lied. He really liked that exotic looking woman.

  If she told Jerrick to leave his girlfriend, he would drop Lidya like a sack of potatoes. Obviously, he would become homeless in Moscow.

  Cashier glanced at Lidya and then Jerrick. She didn’t speak English, but she knew a conflict arose between them. Of course, she suspected she knew the conflict had arisen over her. Jerrick shot her a strange look. Few Russian men dated and married outside their race, but some would salivate all over themselves, when they looked at her.

  “Two teas and some cookies, please,” Lidya demanded in Russian.

  Jerrick studied the cashier’s chest, reading her name tag.

  Lidya noticed and asked, “Jerrick; what are you doing?”

  “I’m trying to read her name tag. Her name is unusual.”

  “Her name is Amaliji. Here, you can talk to her.”

  Lidya told the cashier that Jerrick wanted to know her name.

  “Lidya; please stop.”

  Amaliji said in Russian, “That’ll be 7,000 rubles.”

  Jerrick pulled out his wallet and passed the money to Amaliji.

  As Amaliji reached for the money, she smiled at Jerrick.

  Jerrick studied her. She was so cute; she could be Selma Hayek’s younger, cuter sister. How could this be possible?

  Then Amaliji placed a tray with the teas and cookies onto the counter.

  When they sat down, Lidya snapped, “Honestly Jerrick, do you like that girl?”

  “No Lidya, I love you,” then Jerrick reached across the table to hold Lidya’s hand.

  Jerrick continued, “Besides, how stupid do you think I am to run away with a cashier from another country?”

  “Lidya began smiling, “Jerrick; I guess you’re right.”

  Little did Lidya know; guys are quite stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. A guy simplifies his world. Is she cute or not cute? If she’s cute, is she worth marrying and taking home to mom? Of course, Jerrick would not hesitate to take Amaliji home with him to Michigan. Jerrick knew his mom and dad would approve.

  Finishing their teas, Lidya and Jerrick stood up and strolled through corridors of the GUM, window-shopping.

  Amaliji watched them leave, sneaking another peek at Jerrick. Several men have already proposed to her whom she turned down, but she never dated an American. She would go out with Jerrick if he asked her.

  Jerrick wanted to turn his head and observe Amaliji, but he knew this would spark an argument with Lidya.

  Later that evening, Jerrick made hard, vigorous love to Lidya several times as images of Amaliji swirled in his head. Bed rattled so loudly, it almost collapsed.

  Lidya noticed a difference.

  Afterwards, she asked, “What were you thinking about? This time, your loving making was stronger, more vigorous?”

  “Nothing, I’m under a lot of stress at school. I’m trying to release it.
”

  “Are you thinking about Amaliji?”

  “Who? No, Lidya. I already forgot her name.”

  “I must return to my parents.”

  Lidya rolled out of bed, dressed, and bent down to kiss Jerrick good-bye.

  “Bye, Lidya. I’ll be at school until 5 o’clock tomorrow. We can have dinner together.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then.”

  Before Lidya had left, she studied Jerrick, giving him a cold look.

  During the next week, Jerrick thought constantly of Amaliji, and he pulled his Russian language book off the shelf to study it.

  Russian was such an incredibly hard language, but Jerrick benefits in one regard. Jerrick’s English improved greatly. Jerrick’s brilliant mind stumbled over the convoluted, complex English grammar rules, and he once thought Englishmen were foolish in creating their language, but when you compare English to another language that is 10 times more complex, then those Englishmen were quite clever.

  If the Englishmen kept the pronunciation consistent, then English would be the perfect language, being the world’s language.

  Jerrick smiled because he thought in global terms.

  Lidya arrived one day and saw Jerrick studying Russian.

  “So, you actually want to learn Russian?”

  “Hi, Lidya, I’m trying to learn, but this is so damn complicated.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “A noun can be used in six ways in Russian. Then each way has its own method to make the noun plural. I must remember 12 variations for one word in Russian. Then most common nouns in Russian like mother, father, and chair are exceptions to the rule.”

  Lidya giggled.

  “What’s so funny, Lidya?”

  “All Russians go through this. We all know Russian is complicated. Wait until you start reading Dostoyevsky. He twists all the Russian words around. You don’t even put the words in order like in English,” Lidya said through a burst of laughter.

  “What do you mean?”

  “In English, the subject comes first, then the verb, the indirect object, and finally, the direct object. In Russian, you are free to scramble the order. Usually, you put the most important word last in the sentence, emphasizing it.”

  Jerrick slammed his Russian language book down onto the table. He used his right hand to massage his temple, feeling the small pin pricks in his head, signaling an approaching headache.